Handed Down

My grandpa, Papa, as I know him is a man of faith. He is also a man who believes in the value of sharing his faith and handing it down to the others in his life. More and more I have appreciated the opportunity to know him and listen to him as I have gotten older.
At Easter, family was piled around and with children running (wild?) I had a short conversation with Papa about my faith questions and the topic of this blog. Two things have remained with me that he shared. Number one, I have not lived as long as he has. Let me expand and interpret. (Pops, you will have to comment and correct me if I have not understood your meaning) What I heard him saying was that there is an understanding of God and the greater good and His plan in it that comes from years spent here. It comes from living through true hardships and true losses. Possibly even the sadness and grief I fear the most may someday bring my heart maturity in these questions.
And to follow this was the second thought he shared with me which was Romans 8:28. "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." It was his dad (my great-grandpa's) favorite verse. My great-grandpa who lived through a lot, survived hardships that I've only read about. Who according to Papa always always believed that whatever was happening on Earth, God always had his good in mind.

I probably haven't interpreted Papa's words to me exactly as he intended. I'm certain he would expand  upon them if he were sitting here now and I'd welcome it. Having spiritual questions is a worthwhile endeavor, I just think its a good thing to have a little humility while you do it. To remember that you are not the first to have questions, and you won't be the first to find answers. I'm thinking that perhaps a notecard of Romans 8:28 might do some good taped next to my kitchen sink.

Thoughtful

Just wanted to post a quote from another blog that stuck with me tonight. Its from Shaun Groves' website (his link is on my Life With Boys blog). The first paragraph is an except from a school newspaper where he preformed. The next is his commentary. They both have some thoughtful things to say...

“In academic settings, the temptation is to show your intelligence by dissent. But it may take even more intelligence to know what is worth affirming, to be able to pick out what is good and beautiful in a discourse and approach it with awe. This is the point I am trying to make: As we go into the rest of Spiritual Life Week, as we navigate the tension of an institution both academic and spiritual, do not be overcome with dissension. Let yourself be uncomfortable, sure. Dissect what you hear and cut out what rings false, certainly. But remain open to a Spirit that speaks even through failed metaphors. Welcome awe in the face of truth.” -Thia

Now it’s my turn.
In evangelical Christian circles, the temptation is to demonstrate our love of truth by allowing no dissent. The more popular our blog, our books, our speaking, our music, our church – sadly – the less likely we are to scrutinize our lives and beliefs honestly, to pick out what is good and beautiful in other points of view. This is the point I’m trying to make: As we all go through life, as we navigate the tension between feelings and intellect and faith, we must not become so defensive that we are unable to learn and to love. We must love God with all we are and love our neighbor.
Peace is a choice.
It starts with dialogue. Moves on to common ground. Then affirmation and celebration of what is true and good. Then we listen and learn, knowing that God can speak at anytime through anyone. Peace may not end with much agreement, but with relationship that makes both parties better. -Shaun Groves

http://shaungroves.com/2012/03/cross-shaped-part-7/

Light in the Darkness

Ok, I made promises about a "lighter" post and then stopped blogging. sorry. But not really, my day job is kind of a nights and weekends job, too. Its hard to find the time.
Anyway, I listed all of those mega challenging faith issues in my last post. After I had Cole last year, I went through a few rough months emotionally. I felt upset about everything and nothing. I'm sure that postpartum hormones and sleep deprivation were a part of it. But in the middle of it all, I felt so spiritually discouraged. I was mad at God, questioning how it was possible that innocent ones like my sweet newborn baby suffer. The root of it for me all wasn't whether God existed, but whether He was good. (pause for lightning bolt to blow up my computer)
I started really praying and asking Him for answers. I believe God wants honest dialogue from us like that when we are struggling. One of the answers came through a book I found at the time. (try amazon searches for "the problem of evil" in your spare reading time for something fun) :)

One point that really stayed with me was the following. The Bible teaches that Jesus was God's fullest revelation to us on Earth. In other words, if we want to see what God is like (and if He is good), what His character is, who He is, the best thing we can do is study who Jesus was.

"No one has ever seen God, but God the One and Only, who is at the Father's side, has made him known." John 1:18

Jesus wasn't a religious supremacist. His ministry went straight to the people of His time that suffered the most. The sick - dying - orphans - widows - poor - the outcast - the women and children (second rate citizens of that society). The ones who needed Him the most.

This prophetic passage from Isaiah was quoted by Jesus in the New Testament as He referred to Himself,

"This spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion- to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of His splendor."
Isaiah 61:1-4

The Laundery List

Ahh, ok to my 4 blog readers... sorry, this is going to be one last "faith questioning post" and then I am hoping to start writing more about the answers I've found so far to my faith questions and the positive side of this journey for me. But first I wanted to list out the biggest faith questions I have.They come from a carousel of topics that reoccur in various forms. I know I'm not the first or the last to struggle with these, but there is strength in naming them. Fleshing them out so they can't pop up and scare me like some sort of monster underneath my bed. I want to speak them out, write them down and number them. That way I can peel them apart and come back again with my answers as I encounter them down the road and have time to blog through them one at a time.
Here is my Official "Laundry List" of Questions

1. Hell. Why and how and what is hell? It completely Biblical. If you believe the Bible is truth, its only a matter of time before you have to entertain the idea that not everyone who walks on the Earth will be  in Heaven someday.

2. Suffering of the innocent. I can feel the emotion bubble up in my heart even as I type the words. I hold my little ones tightly every night and rock them slowly to sleep all the while aware that there are children in the world tonight who need what no one will give. Its harder now than ever to understand how this is possible in a world where a good God presides.

3. Is Christianity True, The TRUTH even amidst present day claims about religious relativism and the authority of science?

I know I just listed out some of the hardest concepts that people face no matter what they believe about God. I'm not trying to simplify this. I'm just sharing that in my prayers to God and in my times at the kitchen sink, these are often the issues I'm struggling with right now. I've got some thoughts about how I would respond if someone else asked me these questions right off the bat...so I'm hoping to start writing those out and then adding to them....
...anybody out there still?

Heavy

The weight of the questions about my faith got heavier when I started having kids. Its one thing to commit to certain beliefs for your own life. Its a whole different deal when you are answering questions and teaching those beliefs to sweet innocent ones. If I am being completely honest I will confess to the soundtrack that plays in the back of my these days. Its the voice wondering...
"Am I leading them in the right direction?"

The culture we live in says no. It says I am wrong. Turn on the tv and you have your answer. In my opinion we do not live in a society that embraces the Bible, the church's teachings, or Jesus as ultimate absolute truth. And yet, those values and beliefs are fundamental to my life. And they are exactly the same values we are sharing with our kids.

Parenting has caused me to deeply desire an evaluation for the reasons I believe once again. Just like when I was first learning to seek after God on my own as a teen. I want to have a basis for the truth that I teach to my children more than just trite answers. They are going to need to think through their own reasons for believing God is who He says He is and I hope that I can help them through that process because I've been through it and continue to go through it myself.

Chapter Two

Shortly after I began that journey with God I encountered some of the first spiritual questions that still run in and out of my life today. Its the whys, hows, and I don't understands of God.

Even though I had prayed to God and accepted that Jesus was His Son it occurred to me that I had conveniently embraced the same Christian faith as my parents and their parents. How was it any different than the Hindu, Mormon, or Muslim friends I knew in school believing in the faiths they had been taught since they were children. I didn't want the religion of my parents, I wanted to know what was real. What is true about this world we live in? We live in a culture that "embraces" all beliefs and values. Some say God is real and we are His creation, some say there is no "creator" and we began from nothingness. Both cannot be right.Whichever belief we choose will radically affect the way we live our lives.
I found a book called "Know Why You Believe" by Paul Little. It answered many of the questions that I had on the level I needed at the time. Searching for answers to the hard questions of faith still drives me now spiritually. I don't believe in religion or church for the sake of morality or tradition. If it isn't true than why does it matter?

The scary thing about approaching your faith that way is that it opens you up to the the fear that maybe the other side of your questioning is going to disappoint you. What if you find out you are wrong about God?
I feel like the best thing to do is take a deep breath, say a prayer and face your doubts head-on.

And you know what I've found as I've worked out some of those questions?

"You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all of your heart." Jeremiah 29:13 

God has answered my questions, He has made my faith stronger. Once I get through one hurdle it makes it so much easier to address another question because I have the previous experience of finding answers to fall back on. Here is one more verse that I think speaks to the reasons for discovering the truth behind what you believe:

"And without faith it is impossible to please God because anyone who comes to Him must believes that He exists and that He rewards those who earnestly seek Him." Hebrew 11:6

The Beginning

So to start at the very beginning, I'd like to take the time to write out a summary of where I come from, spiritually speaking. Its the roots that make up what I believe about God, and how I got where I am now...

I consider it a huge blessing that I was born into a family with spiritual roots. My parents were involved with church from my earliest memory. I have memories of Sunday school and vacation Bible study. I understood the real meaning of Christmas and Easter, I knew about the Bible. I took a class for kids about the basics of Christianity when I was in elementary school that was kind of a prerequisite for being baptized. The first verse I remember ever learning was

John 3:16
"God so loved the world that He gave His only and only Son, that who so ever believes in Him may not perish but have everlasting life."

When I was entering 6th grade I started going to the youth group at our church, and their first event was called "Disciple Now"- an weekend retreat where college leaders led groups of students through a Bible study.
At that very first youth event my leader asked me if I thought I would go to heaven when I died.
And when I said yes, she asked my why.
"Because I am a good person and I go to church." I said

Until then, I just hadn't fully understood what God's message through Jesus was all about.

God didn't just want me to show up at church, but to begin a walk with Him that each of us was designed to have. And for me, that journey was about to start.

The night I got home from that retreat, I went to my bedroom, got on my knees and prayed to God, 

I told Him that I believed Jesus was His Son, I asked Him to forgive me for my sins, and asked Him to help me grow to know Him more.

During the retreat, I had learned how important it was to spend time getting to know God every day by reading the Bible, His Word to us. They called it having a "quiet time". I started trying to read through the little devotionals for teens that they gave us and little by little my new faith began to grow.

That time in my youth was life altering.

I felt forgiven. I felt God's love not only pouring into but also pouring out of me.
I was so excited to read the Bible on my own, literally discovering the Scriptures.
It was an amazing beginning.